All over.

I truly apologise for the length yesterday. Sometimes you just gotta let it all out.

It's amazing how much brighter the world feels. I've probably failed my exam but at least its over. I can stop thinking about it and spending every waking hour playing D flat minor scale legato in 6ths and Shostakovich's prelude and fugue in E flat. Ah life is good again. I must say though, this has been the weirdest four days for a very very long time. Not going to go into it all but just trust me. Bizzarre is an understatement.

Stress, stress, stress

The most ridiculas day, I swear. I got up early this morning to walk Ben as Mum and Dad had been out late last night. I went to the beach in the car. Since Australia I don't leave anything valuable in the car so I put my phone, keys, glasses and purse in my zip pocket. I'd been walking about half an hour when I thougth I saw seals in the sea. I reached into my coat pocket for my glasses so I could see better....yeah and they weren't there. First i thought they must of got caught up in something because I knew I put them in there. Maybe theres a secret pocket or something. They weren't there. This might not sound too distressing at first. But I can't really drive without my glasses, and I was about 20 miles from home. I retraced my footsteps all the way back to the car without any luck. I started thinking maybe I didn't actually take them with me and they'd just be sitting in the car. No luck. Retraced my footsteps again all the way back to where I'd got to. There was never any hope I would find them. I walked in the sea most of the time so if they'd somehow managed to fall out of a zipped pocket without any holes (likely) they'd have gone straight in the sea anyhow and probably be half way to Denmark by now. Mum was going to KILL me. No not just kill me, probably gauge out my eyes, pull out my fingernail and dunk me in acid. Then kill me. So I called home. What other choice did I have? They'd have been so much madder if I'd driven home without my glasses. The problem was that I only have one pair so Mum and Dad would have to both drive up to the beach to be able to take the fiesta home. Unfortunately as it happened Dad was at the dentist having a tooth out, with the other car. Mum was surprisingly calm when I talked to her. She said just sit in the car and she'll phone me back when she had a solution. Then my battery died. Oh joy of joys. By this time I was totally freezing my arse off, stuck at a nowhere beach with no phone, no way of getting home, with a huge, wet, hairy dog who had drunk too much sea water. I tried turning my phone on again after about 15 minutes. And it worked long enough for mum to tell me that John our next door neighbour was gonna drive her down to pick us up. About 30 minutes later they arrived. John has a golden retriever too (Ben's girlfriend) and had brought her along for a walk. So then we walked all the way round again before going home, finally. But the story doesn't end there. I was still without a pair of glasses. It just so happened that a few days ago I received a voucher in the post from boots for an eye examination, valid til sunday. Great, I thought. I'll just go down quickly on the bus, get my prescription and order some glasses. Right, just need to get my purse, which is in the glove box in the fiesta, which Mum has just taken to Hillside school fete... No money. No voucher. Appointment was in half an hour. Great, just great. So Dad (who was back from the dentist but groggy and in alot of pain) very kindly agreed to drive me down to Hillside to get my purse. When we arrived, predictably, the car was nowhere to be seen. We phoned Mum. "I'm at Sainsburys, just getting a few bits and pieces." So off to Sainsburys we go. And we find the car! And my purse was in the glove box! Hurray. Finally something has gone vaguely right. Dad then very kildly again dropped me off in the city. I got my eye examination done fine. So I went to look at the glasses. "Oh our cheapest pairs are about £99.00." Ha, so I left boots and made my way to specsavers. They were extremely helpful and even said that they would be done today. Hurrah! Another right thing. Thats two in one day, man alive. So they were gonna be ready by 4:45. Hmmm I thought. Heidi finishes work at 5:00. Maybe she could pick them up for me so I can go and do what I was originally gonna do today. Practise for my exam like my life depends on it....well it kinda does....aaaagh can't think about that now. So I go and ask her. "You must be joking" she says. Well thats the world for you. So now I'm stuck in the city, waiting and killing time by writing all this down when I'm GONNA FAIL MY EXAM ON TUESDAY. Oh its so unfair. I had it all planned. I had a totally free day to do my practise and then I'm babysitting this evening. Moral of the story? Let me know if you have one, I'm struggling to see the funny side right at this moment. Next week I'm sure it'll be hilarious. Right now I want to cry.

Don't ask my opinion unless you can deal with it!

This is the root of most of my relationship problems. People ask my opinion or what I think and then can't deal with the answer. Examples:

1. More than one youth worker I've talked to askes how I feel things are etc.
2. Close friends (or should I say ex friends) of mine who push and push for me to tell them things, which I add I really would rather not. And then when I do they can't deal with the answers.
3. Various church leaders (already mentioned last month)
4. Parents. Man, I can't even start on that one. Actually lets just say family in general.

Now what am I supposed to do? Lie? I don't think so. I don't often volunteer my opinion but when I'm asked, I'm happy to oblige. Maybe just sugar coat the truth then. Well tact isn't one of my strong points. I prefer to get straight to the point, prevents confusion and misunderstanding. But maybe I could work on that one. Maybe I should just refuse to talk. And where would that get anyone? People then make up things in their heads, thinking that what I think must be so awful that I can't say it. Or they think everything is fine, which again is not desirable.

Can't be arsed with this topic anymore. Too depressing. Lie or be hated.

I would just like to acknowlege today the passing of the law that dissallows any evidence gained from people under torture. Maybe there is some small hope for the world.

Don't you just hate it when you try to be helpful but somehow it all backfires in your face and everyone think you're actually trying to be mean, selfish and generally spiteful. It's just so typical. Ergh well screw them all. Thats the last time I try to help. Well until tomorrow anyway.

Ah five days until my exam. Not good, really really not good.

Bored again

Not feeling quite so rubbish today. I've started making my christmas cards! Man they're gonna be good. Make a note, if you receive a bought christmas card from me, its probably because I don't like you.

Spent the evening with my good friends Ben and Jerry tonight. Ah work sucks. I'm so bored. The people are so boring, the job is so boring, the uniform is so boring, I'M BECOMING SO BORING.

Ah crapness.

Shona I love you!

Helen I love you too!

I am feeling a little rubbish today.

Con men and chopped tomatoes

A whole week, dear oh dear. Well yesterday was a really bizzarre day. I think I might have ben robbed. Right, this bloke came to my checkout and bought something like shaving cream, can't remember exactly but its not important. It was about a pound and he paid with a fifty pound note. I gave him his change and then he said, 'could i have it in change please, love.' So i started giving him some change and the whole time he was chatting, being really friendly but getting closer and closer to the till (though I didnt notice this to start with.) He kept changing his mind and things kept getting more and more comfusing til i wasn't sure which was his money and which was mine. He then said, 'Oh don't worry about it, i'll just have my fifty note back.' He gave me fifty pounds and I gave him his note. But I'm not sure if the money he gave me was his or from my till. This all happened it about 30 seconds. He then started saying that I owed him more money and pointed to the change on his reciept. By then I was starting to get pretty pissed off and really confused about what was going on. I think he was just counting on me being some half-wit who would just give him what he asked for to get rid of him. Or not even realise what was going on. Unfortunately for him I'm not completely stupid, only partially. In the end he just said 'forget it' and walked out. The more I think about it the more confused it gets in my brain. Oh well we'll soon know if he was some con man if my till's a hundred quid down or something. It was very clever though, I'm not saying i admire those sort of skills or anything, but its amazing how easy it is to manipulate someone. Very clever.

Oh yeah and the other hilarious thing. It was getting towards the end of my shift. We have to ask people if they want us to pack for them. So I asked this couple
'would you like me to pack this up for you?'
only unfortunately for me I was holding a tin of chopped tomatoes at the time so it came out
'would you like me to chop this up for you.'
They didn't understand and the more I tried to explain to them the more they looked at me like 'oh my goodness i don't want her touching my shopping, it might be catching.' Ah well. I had to dive under the til because I was laughing so much. Agh, tragic.